Janeway gone nuts
by Emher
Summary: To much coffee isn't good... Janeway runs amuk on the the ship! Eventually J/C
1. When you get too much

A/N: This is just a fun thing I wrote when I remembered Janeway's line "One more cup of coffee and I'LL jump to warp."  
  
Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Paramount Pictures and, of course, Gene Roddenberry (R.I.P.), The Great Bird of the Galaxy. Voyager belongs to Rick Berman, Michael Piller and Jeri Taylor, I guess.  
  
Rating: Soooo much of an R!  
  
  
  
1-When you get to much...  
  
  
  
Captain Kathryn Janeway sat behind her table in her ready room. It had been a long and tiring day. She had set a new record for amount of coffee drinked. By how much she didn't know, she had stopped counting at twenty- five cups. She began feeling sleepy, got up, and dragged herself to the replicator.  
  
"Coffee, black," she said. A cup with coffee materialised. Janeway took it and drinked up. She felt a bit more energised. She put down the cup into the replicator. "Recycle." The cup disappeared. She got back to her seat. She sighed of boredom. But then, something happened. She felt more than just energised. She felt...well, strange. She felt hot, and took of her outer uniform shirt, now wearing the undershirt. The door beeped. "Come in." Harry Kim entered.  
  
"Here's the report, Captain," he said.  
  
"Any problems?" said Janeway.  
  
"No," said Harry. Janeway still felt hot. She clutched her forehead as it for a second pounded with pain. Then it was over. "Captain? Are you all right?"  
  
"Yes, fine," said Janeway. But she felt...tense...eager. For what she didn't know.  
  
"Well, here's the report," said Harry, and gave her the report. As she took it, her hand touched his for a moment. Now she knew what she felt. She looked at Harry with a, to him, unfamiliar look.  
  
"Computer, look the doors," said Janeway. The computer complied. Harry looked around nervously.  
  
"Um...Captain?" he said. "What's going on?" Janeway got up. Suddenly she ripped of the sleeves on her undershirt, and then ripped a long slit on the font, creating a rather low cut, showing of her bust rather good. "Holy-! Um...er...I don't think this is such a good idea, Captain!"  
  
"Don't you worry about a thing, Harry...." said Janeway in a very seductive voice. The feeling Janeway was feeling was that she was very, incredibly, enormously, HORNY. She approached Harry slowly, moving very seductively. "Just let me take care of everything..." She made a purring sound. Then she leapt forward towards Harry, who let a out a scared cry.  
  
  
  
"Did you hear something?" said Tom Paris on the bridge, looking at Chakotay.  
  
"No," said Chakotay. "Why?"  
  
"Thought I heard a woman scream," said Tom. Now Tuvok entered onto the bridge. "How about you Tuvok, did you hear anyone scream just now?"  
  
"No," said Tuvok. "But if you are 'hearing things', perhaps you should visit sickbay, Mr Paris."  
  
"No," said Tom. "Probably just my imagination..."  
  
  
  
"Shouldn't Harry be back by now?" said Tom about an hour and a half later. At that moment, the door to the Captain's ready room opened. "Ah, there he is now." Paris looked toward the door. Harry was standing in the opening. Or rather, he was barely standing in it. He was hunching against the side of the door, his clothes in shreds. On his face and several other exposed parts of his body was scratch marks, obviously made by fingernails. "Are you okay?! What happened?!" Harry looked at him.  
  
"S-s-sh-sh..." he said.  
  
"Sh?" said Tom.  
  
"She r-r-r-ra-" said Harry,  
  
"Raped you?!" said Tom.  
  
"No...she had s...s...ssseee-" said Harry.  
  
"SHE HAD SEX WITH YOU?!" exclaimed Chakotay. He got up and ran past Harry, knocking him to the floor. Harry whimpered when he hit the floor. Tom ran over to help his friend. Chakotay came back out. "Damn it, she's not there..."  
  
"Maybe we should get Harry to sickbay, Commander?" said Tom, an irritated tone in his voice.  
  
"What? Oh, yes, you're right!" said Chakotay. They helped Harry into a turbolift. "Tuvok, you have the bridge."  
  
"Yes, Sir," said Tuvok, and got seated in the Captains chair.  
  
"Sickbay," said Tom, and the turbolift started moving.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: MOHAHAHAHA!!!! Now starts the reign of twisted humor fics by Emher! Let the destruction begin!  
  
This fic is basically my idea that caffeine isn't too good if overly consummated. This fic is going to consist of short chapters updated weekly on Mondays.  
  
Review, please!  
  
  
  
Emher 


	2. An Ensign discovery

A/N: The second chapter of my FUBAR romp on V´Ger!  
  
Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Paramount Pictures and, of course, Gene Roddenberry (R.I.P.), The Great Bird of the Galaxy. Voyager belongs to Rick Berman, Michael Piller and Jeri Taylor, I guess.  
  
Rating: Soooo much of an R!  
  
  
  
2- An Ensign discovery  
  
  
  
"The Captain did what?!" said the Doctor upon hearing what had happened to Harry.  
  
"We told you," said Tom. "Apparently, she went nuts and had sex with Harry." Harry whimpered slightly. They lay him down upon a bed.  
  
"Rather forcibly, it seems," said the Doctor. He started scanning Harry. "There doesn't seem to be anything physically wrong with him, except for fatigue. Seems the Captain really...well, enjoyed herself..." Chakotay groaned, and Harry gave a weak whimper.  
  
"Jeez, Doc, do you have bring that up?" said Tom. "The Captain's almost like a mother for Harry."  
  
"GAH! IMAGES!" Harry exclaimed. The next moment he passed out.  
  
"Never mind..." said Tom.  
  
"We have to find out what happened to the Captain," said the Doctor.  
  
"I volunteer to find her and stop her!" said Chakotay.  
  
"No, Commander, it's too dangerous," said the Doctor.  
  
"Please...?" said Chakotay.  
  
"NO!" said the Doctor and Tom. Chakotay sighed.  
  
"We should look over the sensor logs," said Tom. He and the Doctor went over to a panel.  
  
  
  
Ensign Johnny Dotes was walking in the corridors of the ship. He was a member of the security division. Just a few minutes ago a concerned friend to him had expressed his worries about the security division having the heaviest casualties. Especially amongst the Ensigns. Johnny hadn't taken him seriously, dismissing it as a coincidence. Now he entered his quarters, humming a tune he liked. He took of his uniform shirt, since he had finished his shift. Suddenly he heard something. He looked around but he couldn't see anyone.  
  
"Hello?" he said. No response. The light wasn't on though. A purring sound was heard. He turned towards the sound. "Come out where I can see you!" A person emerged from the shadows. Johnny gasped.  
  
  
  
"There's no anomalous sensor readings..." said the Doctor.  
  
"I think I remember that she... Let me check something," said Tom. He tapped the console.  
  
"The replicator logs?" said the Doctor.  
  
"Yeah, I think that she-" said Tom, interrupting himself when he saw the Captain's replicator log."-drank a lot of coffee... Can you really drink that much?"  
  
"No wonder she isn't acting normal!" said the Doctor. "That amount of caffeine would be dangerous!"  
  
"Well, I, er... WE have to do so-" said Chakotay but was interrupted when the com sounded.  
  
"Janeway to sickbay..." said the Captain in a seductive voice. "Medical Emergency..."  
  
"Captain, you have to g-" said the Doctor.  
  
"It's not me, it's Ensign Dotes..." said Janeway, interrupting the Doctor. "There's something wrong with him. He couldn't take it, the lazy, naughty, little boy..." The trio in sickbay could swear that the Captain was pouting, or at least that was how she sounded. She exhaled. "Anyway....look onto his com-badge, yadda, yaddda, yadda, you know the drill... Janeway out..." The last part she said with the again seductive voice. The doctor walked over to a console and tapped it. A few seconds later Ensign Dotes materialised onto a bed in sickbay. And a person looking like he might die, whilst having a huge grin on his face was a very strange sight, to say the least.  
  
"It's official," said the Doctor. "This ship is truly fucked up."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Johnny Dotes is of course a play with John Doe, since Ensigns mostly are anonymous.  
  
Update rate on this fic will be when I have to time to write more stuff, since other fics have higher priorities.  
  
  
  
  
  
Emher 


End file.
